Homework Really Sucks
by Ayumi Uchiha
Summary: Chapter Four up! Hyoutei porn chaos. Ryoma has to do an essay in English. Oh, no! Just look at the theme of the essay and all hell will break lose. Ryoma has to ask the expert about the theme. Who's the expert? His dad.
1. Chapter 1

**Ayu-chan's Notes:**

Yo. If you liked this story, kindly leave a review and make my day! I'll reply, promise! Thanks.

**Disclaimer:**

Is this really necessary? That's why it's called a FAN FICTION, right? XP

Fine. Prince of Tennis was not a product of my imagination, it's a product of Takeshi-sensei's imagination. Oh! Oh! Did you know that we both celebrate our birthday on June 26? Ahihi. XP

* * *

Echizen Ryoma was scowling.

No, not the "You-suck-at-tennis" scowl. It wasn't the "Damn-those-fangirls" scowl, too. How he wished for an easier and less complicated life.

Why was he scowling?

He had homework. Quite understandable, right?

Well, Ryoma was not one to scowl because of a trivial matter like homework. He can easily grasp difficult ideas like when Mr. Great discovered the Land of Greatness, or how Confusing A and Confusing B can be the lost elements of the Confusing Alphabet.

So now you might be wondering how complex the subject is to made Ryoma scowl?

Surely not English?

Wrong.

For Ryoma was scowling because he had homework...in English.

You might shake your head in disbelief or widen your eyes at the impossibility of the thought, but it really is true.

He had to do an essay in English.

Then, what the hell's wrong with that? Ryoma was born in America!

Yes, he was born in America and can speak in straight English with his eyes closed and four pies on his hand.

He has no problem expressing himself in English.

The only problem is he doesn't know exactly _what _to express.

It would have been great for him if the topic involved tennis or cats. Hell, making a procedural essay about cooking spaghetti would have been much, much, much better!

What the hell was their sensei thinking, anyway? Who in their right mind would want their students to make an essay about the "Effects of Pornography in One's Sanity"?

Ryoma made a mental note to hit his sensei with the Twist Serve once he enters college.

No, wait. Scratch that. He reminded himself to just take up a Nursing course in college and _then _hit his sensei with the Twist Serve. I mean, he could say that Twist Serves help stimulate the neurons in our body for faster reflexes, right?

For the time being, Ryoma had to write the essay first _before _thinking about his future plans.

With a sinking heart, he stood up and made his way towards the bedroom of his father and mother.

_ Damn it. Oyaji would never let me forget about this one._

* * *

"Nanjirou!", Echizen Rinko shouted to catch her husband's attention. "Were you listening to me?", she asked, hands on her hips.

"Of course! You were talking about..er..dishwashing, right?", Echizen Nanjirou guessed while his eyes were still set on the _educational pictures_ in front of him.

"I wasn't talking about dishwashing.", Rinko stated bluntly.

"Oh. Damn.", Nanjirou muttered.

"_What?_", Rinko started, "Did I just hear a swear word?"

"I didn't swear! I said 'clam'!", he denied.

"I'm not in the mood to talk about clams, Nanjirou. I was talking about Ryoma's future.", Rinko said, her eyebrows furrowed in thought.

"His future? What about it?"

"Well... I was thinking that Ryoma feels a little lonely. You know, having no company and all that...", Rinko smiled sweetly at Nanjirou.

"What are you talking about? Nanako's here.", Nanjirou replied quite stupidly.

"I meant having no _siblings._", Rinko winked.

"What do you --- ohhhhh.", Nanjirou smirked. _Man, I'm hot._

And just when he was about to kiss Rinko, a knock was heard on their door.

"Who's there?!", Nanjirou bellowed. He was going to go to paradise!

"It's me.", Ryoma's monotone voice was heard.

"S-seishounen?", Nanjirou couldn't believe it! He should teach Ryoma the art of timing some time. "Now is not a good time!", he yelled.

"Dear!", Rinko shot a disapproving look at Nanjirou. "You can come in, Ryoma!", she said, addressing Ryoma.

_ Oh great. Just great. We were sooo close!_ Nanjirou was crying inside.

"I need help.", Ryoma said, looking down. He was blushing faintly and biting his lower lip.

"Help with what, honey?", Rinko asked softly. Finally! Ryoma was opening up to them!

"Pornography.", Ryoma mumbled.

"Louder, seishounen!", Nanjirou was annoyed.

"I said I need help.", Ryoma was ANNOYED, with capital letters.

"Yes, honey. We already heard that. What do you need help with?", Rinko questioned, feeling like every bit of a good mother. She was practically beaming!

"With pornography.", Ryoma repeated. His voice was clear this time.

"E-excuse me?", Rinko asked. "With photography?", she faked a smile, hoping to have heard wrong.

"No. Pornography.", Ryoma repeated, getting more annoyed with each passing second.

Nanjirou gulped, feeling speechless. "I..er..woah. I mean, you..ah..p-po-por?", he managed to stutter.

Ryoma felt frustrated. "I said I need help with pornography, okay? Pornography. Pornography. Por. No. Gra. Phy! Is it too hard to understand?", he yelled.

And then, there was silence.

* * *

So, how was it? If you want me to continue Ryoma's quest for answers, leave me a review, m'kay? He might have to ask his fellow regulars, and hey, he might even resort to asking rival schools! XD

Don't forget, everytime you review my story, pollution decreases! - Well, maybe not. XDD


	2. Chapter 2

**Ayu-chan:**Thankies so much for everyone who reviewed! Guess what? Your names are on my profile's **special corner**! Ahihi. –blows kisses– For those who haven't reviewed, review now! Ahihi. XDD

**Disclaimer:**Prince of Tennis™ does not belong to me, people!

* * *

Nanjirou couldn't possibly take it anymore.

Now, every one here knows that the Great Samurai Nanjirou is a manly man, right?

Manly men don't cry – they shed tears. Shedding tears is different from crying because only girls cry. Also, in crying, moaning and incoherent noises are optional. Manly men neither moan nor make incoherent noises.

Nanjirou, like every other manly man, does _not_faint. Manly men pass out. Girls only faint. Manly men pass out.

_This_is the exact reason why Nanjirou _passed out_.

He did not faint. He _passed out_, people! Get it right.

"D-Dear?" Rinko cried out, concern evident in her eyes. She began to violently shake her husband in vain.

Ryoma inwardly cheered. _Damn. I wish I had a camera with me._

Then he remembered something.

He_did_ have a camera with him!

Oh, joy!

And so, he took one shot.

Rinko saw her son taking a picture of her _passed out _husband. She frowned and took the camera away.

"Is this a prank, Ryoma?" she asked, eyeing her son critically. Her sharp eyes showed accuracy and Ryoma knew better than to lie.

"No, mother," he answered coldly but politely.

Rinko's thoughts blanked out. She was so sure that Ryoma was just tricking them! Now that Ryoma told the truth, her pending sermons just went away into nothingness.

"Y-you mean, you really need help with… with…" She was unable to continue her sentence anymore.

Ryoma chose to finish it for her. "Pornogr –"

"Don't you _dare_say that word!" her mother's eyes flashed dangerously.

Ryoma gulped. Maybe his mother has… has _that_ right now?

Rinko sighed. "I don't have my period today, Ryoma."

Ryoma's eyes widened. _She read my thoughts?_

"I can't read your thoughts. It's just motherly instinct," her mother smiled.

_Really? Why can't Oishi-senpai read my thoughts, then? _Ryoma asked himself.

"Mother, can you just answer me directly? What do you know about… about my homework?" he blushed faintly.

Rinko coughed. "Well, I'm not really familiar with that subject. Your father's more knowledgeable in this field of discussion." Her mother scratched the back of her head.

"He's perverted," Ryoma stated bluntly.

"Well, yes. So I think it would be better if you asked him," Rinko smiled sheepishly.

"But he just fainted."

As if on cue, Nanjirou regained consciousness. "I did not _faint!_I_passed out! Passed out!_" he shouted.

"Che."

"Get out of this room!" his father yelled.

Ryoma quirked an inquiring eyebrow. Why was his father so hot-tempered today? He decided to ask. "Why? Do you have your period today?"

"Why, yes! I _do_have_that_ today!"

Ryoma had no comment for that.

"What are you waiting for? Leave now! Your mother and I have something to do!"

Ryoma rolled his eyes. "Listen. I came here because I needed _help,_" he spat the last word out like poison. "If you didn't want to help me, you should have said it earlier."

"Isn't it obvious?" his father eyed him incredulously.

"What's obvious?" he asked, dense as ever.

"I don't want to help you!" Nanjirou bellowed, kicking Ryoma out of the room.

Once Ryoma was out, Nanjirou walked towards his wife. "Now, where were we?" he asked flirtatiously.

"We were going to sleep, Nanjirou. And _you're_going to sleep on the couch," Rinko hissed.

"But we don't _have_ a couch!" Nanjirou protested.

"You should have thought of that before kicking our dear son out of the room," she said sternly, climbing up the bed. "_Good night._" She turned the lights off.

"'Bye, paradise." Nanjirou cried himself to sleep.

* * *

IN RYOMA'S ROOM

"Che. It's a good thing the submission date is next week, otherwise I'll be doomed." Ryoma sighed as he scratched Karupin's chin. It meowed.

"Yeah. You're right. I should ask senpai-tachi tomorrow." He agreed as he began his peaceful slumber. "'Night, Karupin."

* * *

"Oi, Echizen! Hurry up!" Momoshiro Takeshi, Seigaku's boisterous junior, shouted outside the Echizen household. He was sitting on his bicycle. "We're going to be late!" he added.

"You're too loud, Momo-senpai." Ryoma approached him. He was about to ride on the back of his best friend's bike when he remembered something. "Ne." he said.

"Yeah? Do you want to talk about Karupin again? I'd rather talk about tennis, you know." Momo rolled his eyes. They were cycling rather speedily because they were about to be late…_again._

"No, it's not that," Ryoma pulled the bill of his cap lower to hide his growing blush.

"What it is, then?" They were near their school when Ryoma decided to just ask it out already.

"I need you to help me with pornography," Ryoma stated emotionlessly.

"_Pornography?_" Momo shouted. They had just reached their school gate.

"Ssssh." Ryoma blushed hotly. "I need it for my homework and –" He looked at the spot where Momo used to stand and found out that Momo had _passed out. _

_Not again. Che. Is pornography _that_ powerful?_

We don't know, Ryoma. What we _do_ know is that you and Momo are going to be late _again._

* * *

_­_

Next chapter is about Ryoma asking ALL of the Seishun Gakuen regulars. XDDDD

Also, an introductory appearance of the Hyoutei regulars will be on the next chappie. nn

Are you excited? I am! Ahihi. Review for a faster update! Lol.


	3. Chapter 3

**Ayu-chan: **Thankies so much for everyone who reviewed! I dedicate this chapter to the lovely people who support me. n.n I am so grateful to all of you.

**Note:** Ryoma_ knows _what p!rnography is; he's just not familiar with it because he hasn't done any act relating to it. To give you a clearer example, we all know what cooking is, right? But we need to ask cooks and chefs for more information because we're not _that_ learned in that point of interest.

I'm just clearing this up for those who don't get it. n.n

**Disclaimer:**Prince of Tennis™ does not belong to me. n,n

* * *

Seigaku Tennis Courts – Morning Practice

"There's an emergency at home. I want you guys to just do laps until I'm back," Ryuuzaki Sumire said, preparing to leave.

"What's the matter?"

"Sakuno died."

Everyone stared at her.

"I meant Sakuno, my cat. Sakuno, my granddaughter, named it after her." And with that, she left.

"Hey, little Ryoma!" Kikumaru Eiji shouted, pouting rather charmingly, as Ryoma walked towards his direction. "Where's Momo?" he asked, looking left and right; he even looked up and down just for the heck of it.

Ryoma put the bill of his cap down. "Momo-senpai's in the clinic."

"I knew he was weak. Fushuuu," Kaidoh Kaoru remarked as he began running his laps.

"Too bad. I wanted him to test my new drink," Inui Sadaharu _magically_ appeared right behind Ryoma. Of course, we all know that's impossible because Inui didn't have any ninja techniques or wizardry powers…right?

Right?

_Right?_

"Saa, what's the new flavor this time, Inui?" Fuji Syuusuke, the resident genius, smiled calmly as he licked his lower lip. "I'm getting thirsty."

"It's hamburger-flavored."

Ryoma's eyes widened in glutton. _Good thing Momo-senpai fainted._

"Echizen, where's Momo?" Oishi Syuuichiro, the ever-loving vice-captain of the tennis club, asked as he applied wax to the palms of his hands to style his hair. We don't know how he styles his hair like that. Some people say there's an invisible scotch tape holding it in place, but some think it's a mystery of nature.

Ryoma sighed. Did he have to repeat himself again? "He's in the clinic."

"_What?_" Oishi burst out. "Oh, dear pumpkin!"

"Eh? Is that a new 'shocked phrase'?" Eiji asked, scratching his nose. "Wow, Oishi, where do you get them? Last week, you kept saying 'My ginger!' over and over again."

"Hmm, Oishi developed a liking for phrases whose words don't even rhyme," Inui muttered as he wrote down every data.

"How about 'Sweet teeth!'?" Fuji suggested, smiling. His eyes opened for a split second, challenging any protests or ridicule whatsoever.

"Er… Why is Momo in the clinic?" Kawamura Takashi asked. He was scratching the back of his head as he looked down.

"Dear pump – sweet teeth! Was he hit by a soccer ball while he was helping an old lady cross the street, selling chocolates for the school fund, and giving directions to a foreigner at the same time?" Oishi asked, wearing a worried expression on his face.

"No…" Ryoma answered, lifting his left eyebrow. _What the hell? Who would be caught doing that?_

"Oh. I thought he was. That happened to me yesterday," Oishi frowned, touching the bump on his forehead. Thank God he had those bangs or else he would look…un-Oishi-ish.

_Oh, yeah._

"Hoi! Why's he in the clinic, then?"

"He fainted," Ryoma stated bluntly.

"I think Echizen meant Momoshiro _passed out,_" Tezuka Kunimitsu, their stoic captain, emphasized, putting everyone under the impression that 'fainting' and 'passing out' are clearly different things.

"Yeah, what he said," Ryoma was beyond creeped out. Their captain was not like himself today.

"Why did he pass out?" Taka asked, concerned for his junior.

Ryoma blushed. "I asked him about my homework."

At the mention of homework, Horio appeared, looking smug. "Ha! I already did our English homework, Echizen!"

"Che."

"Eh? Don't tell me you haven't done it yet! It's _so _easy!" Horio stated with his normal voice volume. Believe me, he's not yelling yet.

Ryoma twitched. _Damn you. It's difficult for me._

"I, the great Horio with two years of tennis experience, can help you, you know!" Horio patted Ryoma's back. "Poor Echizen… _So _uneducated…"

Ryoma twitched some more. _I am cool. I am calm. I am a big boy. I am cool. I am calm. I am a big boy._

"So, what do you say, Echizen!? My uncle's a real expert!" Horio bragged, proud that his uncle was a pervert. Hooray for him. He must feel _so _lucky. Yay.

Ryoma just stared at him.

"Nya! I'll help you with your homework! I'm great at studies!"

Ryoma stared at him skeptically.

"Well, if I don't know it, we can always ask Fuji!" Eiji grinned, flashing a V-sign.

"What's it about, Echizen? We can help you," Fuji smiled innocently. In fact, he was smiling _way_ too innocently.

_Damn. He already knows. I'm dead. Maybe I'll leave Karupin to a cat shelter or something. Or should I just find out if Karupin has relatives? _

"It's…" Ryoma began answering.

"Yes?" Eiji moved closer to hear what Ryoma was about to say.

"…about…" Ryoma continued.

"Yes?_ Yes?_" Eiji was beyond excited.

"…clowns."

"_What?_" Eiji exclaimed. "Momo fainted because he was asked about_ clowns_?"

"Saa… Is this true?" Fuji directed his question to Horio who looked like he was about to throw up.

Well, Horio always looks like he was about to pass out so he looked normal, I guess.

"_Eh?_ Why do you have a different topic, Echizen? Is it because you're the best in English?" he asked, bewildered.

Ryoma chose not to answer. He was sweating furiously.

"Why? What's your topic?" Fuji asked, smiling. He looked like he was enjoying the scene.

"Well… Uh…" Horio looked uncomfortable.

Inui decided to answer Fuji's question. He looked down at his notes and began nose-bleeding. "It's about pornography."

Taka's nose bled. He _passed out._

Eiji laughed loudly. "Oh, so that's why Momo passed out!" He got hold of Taka's racquet and gave it to Seigaku's power player. "Here, Taka-san."

Taka regained consciousness. "Porn is GREAT-O!" he shouted, running around. "It's always making me BURN! _I'm BUUUURNING!!_"

Kaidoh heard Taka's declaration. He blushed. "Fushuu… How dirty…" he muttered as he continued running his laps.

"So you need help with Porn, huh? Why don't you ask Tezuka?" Eiji smiled, looking innocent.

Ryoma's eyes widened. "Why?"

"He's familiar with it. I mean, after all, he _is_ an honor student," Fuji smiled.

Ryoma smirked. "Che. You just want me to humiliate myself in front of captain."

"Yes?" Tezuka asked as he appeared beside Ryoma. "Fuji told me you wanted to ask me something."

Ryoma's eyes widened. _Think, Ryoma! Think! _

He gave up. _Better now than never._

"Pornography. I need you to tell me what you know about it."

Tezuka's eyes widened for a split second, but then he regained his composure. "Pornography is perverted," he said in monotone.

"I already knew that, captain. I can't write an essay saying 'Pornography is perverted', can I? I need 997 more words."

"Excuse me, Echizen. I think I hear the principal calling me," Tezuka walked away, leaving Ryoma all alone and homework-less.

He sighed and proceeded to go to the courts when he bumped someone.

"Ouch," Ryoma exclaimed, even though his voice was still in monotone.

"What are you doing, you peasant?!" came a shout.

_Damn. I know that voice. _

"Monkey King."

"Brat."

"Why are you here?" Ryoma asked. He's still in Seigaku, right?

"Tezuka told me to come here. He called me yesterday." Atobe answered, flicking his hair.

Ryoma just stared at him.

Silence took over the atmosphere.

"Well? Where's Tezuka?" Atobe asked, annoyed. "Aaahn?"

"He went to see the principal."

"How is that so? I heard your principal was sick." Atobe was confused.

"Really?" Ryoma asked. _Damn you, captain._

"Well, seeing as your captain is a man who is undeserving to be graced with my presence, I guess I should be leaving now." Atobe smirked.

_Hmm. I already thought of the perfect plan to get back at captain._

"Ne," Ryoma called out.

"Aaahn?"

"Captain told me to ask you something. I forgot to tell you about it." Ryoma was smirking. The mischievous glint in his eyes was present.

Atobe lifted his left eyebrow. "Aaahn? What is it, then?"

"Well," Ryoma started, "I was told by captain to tell you to give a talk about Pornography," Ryoma lowered the bill of his hat. "He wants you to give our team a whole talk about it."

"Pornography? I am afraid that I am not well-versed in that matter," Atobe furrowed his eyebrows.

"Oh, that's disappointing. I thought you knew everything…" Ryoma frowned, mocking Atobe.

"Heh. I am perfect because I know nothing about that topic. My mind is perfectly untainted. I'll call my teammates to come here since I believe that they're the ones who are great concerning this." And with that said, Atobe called the rest of his team to bounce to Seigaku.

Ryoma smirked inwardly. _Good. Now I'll have more sources. _

* * *

Oh, bless our souls for the next chapter. 

Next chapter will be about the Hyoutei regulars' _collective_ knowledge. Be ready, dearies. Be very ready. n,n


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** Thank you for waiting. ^^ Comments are LOVE!

Shishido Ryou furrowed his eyebrows. "Damn it, Atobe! Why are we going to Seigaku today? Did you forget that, oh, yeah, maybe we need to practice, hm?" He folded his arms across his chest to express that he did not want to go to Seigaku.

"Oh, come on, Shishido. You're so whiny," Mukahi Gakuto smirked. "You act like a girl."

Shishido glared at Gakuto. "At least I don't _look _like a girl," Shishido said, even though we all know he also looked like a girl.

Gakuto laughed. "Nice one, Shishido! Haha! Atobe _does _look like a girl."

"I was referring to you, idiot," Shishido told Gakuto.

"Oh."

"Are you peasants done fighting, aaahn? I, the great Atobe, have to tell you something of the utmost importance. It concerns the reason as to why we need to go to Seigaku today." Atobe flicked his hair and waited for applause.

Apparently, no one wanted to clap so Atobe snapped his fingers towards Kabaji.

"Yes," Kabaji said.

"You were supposed to clap, Kabaji," an annoyed Atobe said.

Kabaji was very furious inside. How was he to clap and say "yes" at the same time? Atobe was asking too much!

"Well?" Atobe urged Kabaji.

"Yes," Kabaji said and then he clapped once. He said "yes" again and clapped once. It was very hard for Kabaji.

Man, Kabaji was terribly abused!

"I will settle for that for now, Kabaji. But you need to work on your clapping. It did not look decent enough."

"Yes."

"Listen, peasants! I, the great Atobe, order you all to come to Seigaku with me. It seems that Tezuka needs my help. Hah!" Atobe smirked.

Oshitari Yuushi sighed. "Don't tell me you're dragging the whole team into this mess just because Tezuka asked you to? I thought you were over him? Troublesome."

"Over him? Did he like Tezuka? Yuushi~! You're hiding things from me again," Gakuto pouted.

Oshitari smirked. "Forget what I said."

Atobe blushed faintly. "Ore-sama does not like anyone but ore-sama."

"Yeah, and I like Choutaro." Shishido said sarcastically.

With that said, Choutaro blushed.

"You guys are so gay," Gakuto laughed. Everyone looked at him blankly.

"I'm not even gonna say you look like a girl. It's too obvious." Shishido smirked.

Atobe rolled his eyes. "We need to go to Seigaku now. Tezuka wants the team to give Seigaku a talk about something."

"About what?" Choutaro inquired, still blushing.

Oshitari smirked. "My, my, Choutaro. Are you feeling hot today?"

"I...um, eh... Gakuto-senpai looks like a girl, don't you think?" Choutaro tried changing the topic.

Atobe cleared his throat. "Apparently, it is a talk about Pornography."

Shishido, Gakuto and Hiyoshi blushed.

Choutaro _passed out. _

Oshitari smirked some more.

Kabaji was too stunned to say yes.

And Jirou woke up.

"Well?" Atobe urged them to say something. "Are you guys coming with me, the great Atobe?"

"No way in hell am I coming with you!" Shishido cursed.

Gakuto gulped. "Don't you think the topic's a little too personal?"

Hiyoshi just blushed some more.

"I think all of us should go. It would be a great team experience," Oshitari smiled. "Right, Kabaji?"

"Yes." Everyone looked at Kabaji. Kabaji looked at them as if to say, '_What did you expect me to say?'_

"Let us make haste now. We should not waste any more time." Atobe snapped his fingers.

And with that said, the team went to Seigaku.

"Since when did this stage get here?" Momoshiro asked, scratching his head. "How are we supposed to practice now, Captain?"

Tezuka shrugged inwardly. He was thinking _what the hell _repeatedly but his expression gave no indication of it.

Fuji smiled. _This would be good._

Ryoma smirked. _I am so taking notes today._

Eiji was bugging Oishi to buy popcorn since he was thinking that there was going to be a school play.

And yes, Horio still looked like he was about to throw up.

All the Seigaku Tennis Club members looked at the aforementioned stage. On the stage was a projector, a laptop, a set of microphones and a complete sound system.

Everything looked so flashy.

Everyone flashed their eyes and thought the same thing. _Atobe. _

With that, said bearer of the name appeared on the stage. As Yesal, Atobe was donning flashy clothes and was wearing the same smug smirk he always wore whenever he felt superior to anyone. Of course, he always felt superior to anyone _always. _

"Greetings!" Atobe exclaimed. "I, the great Atobe, have come to this school to help the Seigaku Tennis Club undertand what pornography is!"

_Bleeding bungalows! _Oishi thought. "He's going to corrupt our minds!" He spoke out loud. "Eiji, noooooooo!" He said as he proceeded to cover both of Eiji's ears with his hands.

"Nyah, Oishi. You're embarrassing me," Eiji scratched his cheeks as he talked. "Everyone watches porn, anyway." He shrugged.

_Singing seashells! _Oishi thought. "You watch porn?" he couldn't believe what Eiji said. "But! You're wrong! I...I don't watch porn!" he yelled.

Everyone looked at Oishi in disbelief.

"It's true! Never have, never will!" he shouted, proud.

"Yeah, but you still have those weird bangs!" a random guy shouted, making everyone laugh.

Atobe cleared his throat. "As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, we, the Hyoutei Tennis Club, have come here to enlighten you about the true essence of porn!" he snapped his fingers as he waited for applause.

Fortunately, people were kind enough to clap their hands. Kabaji breathed his sigh of relief.

"We were supposed to show a pornography video—

Catcalls and cheering ensued.

—but your coach protested and said that she'd shave my hair if we did that." Atobe finished, earning boos and disappointment sounds.

"Screw the coach!" Taka screamed, burning.

Everyone inwardly agreed with him. Except Oishi, of course.

"However," Atobe started, "I believe that we should start this presentation with a tiny skit we had planned." Oh, yes, the team was able to plan a skit spontaneously! They can do ultra awesome tennis moves! They can do anything!

"Saa," Fuji said, "What's the skit about?"

"It's about the essence of porn, Fuji!" Jirou exclaimed, excited to see his idol. He was wearing lipstick and a blond wig.

Kabaji was wearing...his Yesal clothing and Shishido was wearing an apron with his hair down.

"This is so freaking lame!" Shishido exclaimed. "I swear I'm gonna get you, Atobe! Ugh!"

Atobe smirked in reply. He snapped his fingers. "Hyoutei hereby presents to you 'Porn: Its Essence' as directed by me, the great Atobe."

Curtains fell as the crowd clapped their hands. When the curtains rose, everyone was silent as they anticipate what the play would be about.

"Baji-kun, my son!" Shishido exclaimed while wearing a pink apron, "It's time for dinner!"

"Yes." Kabaji said as he turned on a computer. He typed the word 'porn' and many names of dirty websites popped out.

"As you can see," Atobe's voice as the narrator was heard, "teenage people love porn."

A wave of "Duh" was heard. Oishi was about to protest when Eiji popped popcorn in his mouth. Eiji popped popcorn. That's so catchy! Let me type that once again: Eiji popped popcorn in his mouth.

"Baji-kun! Where are you? Come down!" Shishido, while wearing a pink apron , exclaimed. His womanly voice cracked from too much screaming.

"Yes." Kabaji said as he clicked on an imaginary link. Jirou was then shown wearing a lipstick and the blond wig earlier.

"The word pornography is derived from the Greek word _pornē_ which means prostitute." Yuushi's sexy voice reverberated. "But," he added, "Who cares about that? Porn is good."

"I'm going up there!" Shishido, while wearing a pink apron, said as he stepped up an imaginary stairs and knocked on Kabaji's room.

"Yes." Kabaji said as he frantically tried to shut down his computer. Too bad! The computer wouldn't respond! It wouldn't shut down! _Yes! Yes! Yes!!! _Kabaji cursed inside his brain.

"People tend to hide it, but inside every one of us is a dirty, wild porn lover," Choutaro blushed as he read his script. He was about to stop reading when Gakuto nudged him. "And," Choutaro blushed some more, "Dirty and wild are sexy."

Shishido, wearing a pink apron, opened Kabaji's door and saw him trying to shut down his computer who froze in the opening scene of a porn show with Jirou as the lead star.

Of course, no pornography was done yet, as it was stated earlier that the computer was not responding. Also, Kabaji watching porn with Jirou in it that would be just too wrong.

Our eyes might burn.

"Baji-kun! You're watching porn!" Shishido exclaimed.

"Duh," Gakuto's voice as the narrator was heard. The audience looked at him. They were expecting him to continue his narration. "What? That's all I got," he said, shrugging.

"So," Atobe snapped his fingers and the play ended, "Basically, we would like to inculcate these major points: Teenage people, no, actually, everyone with the exception of Oishi, watched porn. Pornography means prostitution. Dirty and wild porn are sexy, and Choutaro looks like a tomato when he blushes."

With that said, lights flashed off and sound systems stopped.

"That was lame!" Momo shouted. _They should have just let us watch porn._

"I loved Choutaro's part," Fuji smiled.

Tezuka was actually thinking the same thing Momo was but he remained silent.

Inui was busy editing the play he recorded.

Eiji was still eating popcorn.

Kaidou hotly blushed.

Taka burned.

Oishi _passed out._

And still Ryoma was not satisfied. "Damn, I need more sources."


End file.
